Sporkmonger

purveyor of fabulously ambiguous eating utensils

I Am Not Stephen Colbert

Posted by sporkmonger
Written August 15th, 2006

This is an aimless (and completely pointless) experiment in web traffic. Colbert featured a google search for the phrase “I Am Not Stephen Colbert” on his show the other day, and I’m just curious how many people will actually Google for it. I’ll post statistics, as interesting or boring as they may be, in about a week.

Please do not directly link to this page or at least use rel="nofollow" if you feel compelled to for some strange reason.

Update: This entry is now ranked as the #1 page on Yahoo for the search. That was quick—less than one day to hit the top spot.

Another Pointless Update: Interestingly, someone else started a Colbert fan blog entitled “I Am Not Stephen Colbert”.

Update: So, in under a week, this page got 454 searches for I Am Not Stephen Colbert, 56 searches for I Am Not Steven Colbert, and 20 searches for “I Am Not Stephen Colbert”. The page itself got 665 hits, and 20 comments within the week. That makes this easily the most popular search query for this site, and makes this page the second most popular on the site. Which isn’t too shabby, considering that its received the same amount of traffic in one week that other pages on my site with actually useful content have received in a year.

Yet Another Update: The actual rerun whacked this page with another 1,530 hits in one night. Total searches so far: 1,805 for I Am Not Stephen Colbert, 297 for I Am Not Steven Colbert, and 47 for “I Am Not Stephen Colbert”. Frankly, I think Stephen would be upset to discover that 16% of his audience doesn’t know how to spell his name. For shame, “Steven” searchers, for shame!

Update: And, wouldn’t you know it, this page now ranks on the first page for the search, ‘colbert stephen’. Fortunately, the other way around still give useful results.

Update: Months later, this page is still significantly more popular than my actual homepage, and the searches are still coming in. The last one was three minutes ago. Never underestimate the Colbert Nation.

Tags: , , , ,
  1. Benjamin Benjamin :
    Written August 16th, 2006 at 02:45 AM

    Admit it sporky, you are Stephen Colbert and this is just your plot to let the world finally know!

    - ben @ http://rubyonrailsblog.com

  2. Bob Aman Bob Aman :
    Written August 16th, 2006 at 04:41 PM

    That truely would be an fascinating revelation if Stephen Colbert really did write Ruby code by day and stroked his ego by night.

  3. Joe Joe :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 03:57 AM

    You’re also number 1 on Google.

  4. Cindi Cindi :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 05:33 AM

    yup. just wondering what would happen if i searched it.

  5. Steven Steven :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 11:26 AM

    Hmm… I didn’t think it would even bring anything up.

  6. Fagin Fagin :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 12:07 PM

    otta boy, Dodger!

  7. MATTHEW MATTHEW :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 12:11 PM

    YOU ARE FUNNY

  8. MATTHEW MATTHEW :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 12:12 PM

    i got your word in the channel COMEDY

  9. tessa tessa :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 12:15 PM

    *chuckle/ well i was doing my normal web surfing when i thought what would stephen colbert do? -nice supprise to find this, you just made my day or at least 5 minutes of it. (yes i know i’m slow i’m also just now getting to voting for the bridge)

  10. Some guy whose opinion really matters Some guy whose opinion really matters :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 01:51 PM

    Out of town just searched it. glad to know that colbert is as appreciated as I think it should be.

  11. Tom (France) Tom (France) :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 04:32 PM

    It works very well :D

  12. Tom (France) Tom (France) :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 04:34 PM

    And you’re also number one on Google.

  13. Ari SF Ari SF :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 07:05 PM

    they did a news bit on this search “I AM NOT STEPHEN COLBERT” In Google Current on Current TV just now.

  14. stefan stefan :
    Written August 18th, 2006 at 11:59 PM

    how do vote for the bridge where do i go to vote

  15. Sean Sean :
    Written August 19th, 2006 at 01:52 AM

    No, I AM NOT STEPHEN COLBERT!

  16. patgroove @ deviantart patgroove @ deviantart :
    Written August 19th, 2006 at 04:51 PM

    Wow! You have top billing on google!

  17. Charles N. Charles N. :
    Written August 21st, 2006 at 10:33 AM

    I am not Chuck Noblet.

  18. Cam S. Cam S. :
    Written August 21st, 2006 at 02:52 PM

    Ahaha watchin a rerun of it today like litteraly it happened 10 secs ago…so funny and yeh basically i seached it up. what u gonna do wanna fight bout it but yeh iuts funny

  19. casey manowski casey manowski :
    Written August 21st, 2006 at 04:11 PM

    hi from Thunder Bay Ont. Canada!

    Steven(thats how its spelled Stephen!) Colbert is soo FU*!IN HILARIOUS! i love his show,- the best show on T.V., rite after Curb Your Enthusiasm-which he has been on also! , well ofcourse i would google it! i do all Stephen tells me to, well i gotta get back to my essay-GOD i HATE essays!

    i feel his show is now better than The Daily Show, which i’ll only watch if i got nothing to do, but i always make time for Stephens’ show! God-speed Stephen! jozeflawlis@hotmail.com

  20. Bvan37 Bvan37 :
    Written August 21st, 2006 at 05:50 PM

    Nice!

  21. Jesus H. Christ Jesus H. Christ :
    Written August 22nd, 2006 at 12:57 PM

    REGISTER, AND VOTE FOR THE STEPHEN COLBERT HÍD (bridge)!

    http://www.m0hid.gov.hu/auth/registration

    It’s easy. Just type in your email, and a password of your choosing. A notication will be sent you your email, with an activation link. Click the link, and vote for Stephen! WE CAN DO THIS!

  22. juhuacha juhuacha :
    Written August 22nd, 2006 at 10:25 PM

    Awesome. I am consistently amazed by the fandom of Stephen Colbert, w00t!

    :)

  23. the Dante the Dante :
    Written August 23rd, 2006 at 01:21 PM

    Someone had to ddo it, I just wanted to know who …

  24. Vargo Vargo :
    Written August 25th, 2006 at 01:31 AM

    Wow your smart xD

  25. Not Stephen Colbert Not Stephen Colbert :
    Written August 28th, 2006 at 11:50 PM

    I am not Stephan Colbert.

  26. Luu Luu :
    Written August 28th, 2006 at 11:51 PM

    I saw it on tv and went “hmmmmm”. I had to see if anything would actually pop up.

  27. Teddy Teddy :
    Written August 28th, 2006 at 11:51 PM

    it’s almost like a subliminal message.

  28. emilybe64@hellokitty.com emilybe64@hellokitty.com :
    Written August 28th, 2006 at 11:51 PM

    You are a true HERO!!! :)

    ~M

  29. jeremiah@hillproductions.net jeremiah@hillproductions.net :
    Written August 28th, 2006 at 11:52 PM

    haha.. just watched the rerun of the show and was interested to see if anyone else had googled it, and guess what.. there’s a page dedicated to it.. how cool!

  30. adam adam :
    Written August 28th, 2006 at 11:52 PM

    almost…but really not (Teddy’s spouse)

  31. Mackenzie Mackenzie :
    Written August 28th, 2006 at 11:53 PM

    ahhh i just saw the episode, and i googled it! i fell into is trap!

  32. stephen colbert stephen colbert :
    Written August 28th, 2006 at 11:54 PM

    “Dont send me money for this free sports bag or these free tickets”

  33. stephen colbert stephen colbert :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 01:07 AM

    I knew the truthiness of this search was going to be some lame sight collecting statistics about it… but I did it anyway cause I’m a boring rerun tonight and my viewers would search on random things from the episode. I also knew that some idiots would spell my name steVen.

  34. STEPHEN COLBERT STEPHEN COLBERT :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 01:51 AM

    I AM NOT STEPHEN COLBERT, BUT I AM YOUR FATHER. CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE AT WWW.STEPHENCOLBERT.COM.

  35. GStone GStone :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 02:26 AM

    Tanks to my tv tuner card I googled it well stil watching the show. Pause live tv annyone?

  36. angela angela :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 02:51 AM

    i had to look. and if any of those stephens were really stephen, you are awesome, saw you live when you had gary hart on. was too chicken to high five you when you walked by.

  37. Ruby on Rails Ruby on Rails :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 04:46 AM

    Well, google took it and ran with it! Success!

  38. SEAN STEINMANN SEAN STEINMANN :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 06:06 AM

    HAHA STEPHEN COLBERT IF YOU READ THIS, YOUR A BUM! Make me proud. Please grow a beard.

    P.S. I AM COLBERT! And Neo.

  39. gerdakod@hotmail.com gerdakod@hotmail.com :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 06:31 AM

    Hi I’ve found a new website : name: http://www.thevotenation.com

    IT’s about voting for countrys ,really interesting , check it out and bring down some countrys .)

    Send it to all of your contacts cause its fun !

  40. sqaksums sqaksums :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 01:08 PM

    i am grateful i’m not steven colbert, because there’s a bear going thru my trash right now.

  41. the.Chase the.Chase :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 02:20 PM

    this is freakin’ hilarious. just goes to show you how many of us are sheep, deep down.

  42. BlueComit BlueComit :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 02:34 PM

    You are the MAN

  43. Daniel Daniel :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 02:51 PM

    Upon searching this, I thought to myself “Somebody has probably made a site to try to get traffic after that episode of The Colbert Report.”

  44. Jennable the Amenable Jennable the Amenable :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 03:06 PM

    It’s basically hilarious that people would actually look it up. I wonder if anyone google’d the other searches on that episode…

  45. babybear babybear :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 05:50 PM

    I am Stephen Colbert

  46. Daniel Daniel :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 07:11 PM

    Someone should build a statue for Stephen Colbert!

  47. AcE AcE :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:50 PM

    lmao… i just saw the ep. that had that and I did it on google!

  48. Steve ( II ) Steve ( II ) :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:50 PM

    man i feel like such a sucker for googleing it.

  49. stephen colber stephen colber :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:51 PM

    I AM NOT STEPHEN COLBERT p.s. be sure to wash your computer

  50. Stephen Colbert Stephen Colbert :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:52 PM

    I AM STEPHEN COLBERT! Why can’t you just have a hit counter?

    S.

    P.S. Watch out for bears!

  51. Johnny Johnny :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:53 PM

    Only 454 hits for I AM NOT STEPHEN COLBERT?! There has to be way more nerds than that who watch the Report. Come on nerds, lets hit that search button

  52. Rickky Bobby Rickky Bobby :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:54 PM

    Stephen Colbert should run the world.

  53. I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:56 PM

    Stephen Colbert is my hero. If i were gay, ide mary him. but im not. im thinking of making an exception, cause hes just that great.

    P.S. Im not gay.

  54. I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:57 PM

    some 1 SHOULD make a statue of him

  55. Chuck Norris Chuck Norris :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:57 PM

    WOW alot of people actually try this, i watched the re-run and this is still here

  56. I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:57 PM

    i think i will

  57. I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:58 PM

    WOW THERES ALOT OF PPL WHO SAW @DAYS RE-RUN.

  58. I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 08:58 PM

    Wow im bored

  59. I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 09:00 PM

    i really am taking up alot of space, but who cares, i bet theres like unlimited space on this thing so what the heac. i think im just gunna keep it up.

  60. I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON I AM NOT JACK ANDERSON :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 09:08 PM

    nah, better not

  61. (silly spammer boy) DISAGREES (silly spammer boy) DISAGREES :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 09:17 PM

    Is there a breakdown by “I’m feeling lucky” vs. “google search”?

  62. Judd Judd :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 09:42 PM

    So was there a ton of traffic last night?

  63. jordan jordan :
    Written August 29th, 2006 at 11:51 PM

    funny… i was curious about the search traffic. but i’m illiterate when it comes to designing webpages. kudos.

  64. ha ha ha ha :
    Written August 30th, 2006 at 12:08 AM

    its is hilarious that there is a website like this out their. i didnt even think any thing would come up

  65. Nicholas Nicholas :
    Written August 30th, 2006 at 08:34 AM

    Every time an update comes out for this post I really enjoy hearing about all the people who don’t know anything about ruby showing up to your site.

  66. Denise Denise :
    Written August 30th, 2006 at 11:12 AM

    Guilty. Saw the repeat last night and couldn’t wait to google it.

    Stephen Colbert Stephen Colbert Stephen Colbert

  67. Bob Aman Bob Aman :
    Written August 30th, 2006 at 06:12 PM

    Nicholas:

    I know, it’s making me chuckle a tad too.

  68. Robert O'Donnell Robert O'Donnell :
    Written August 31st, 2006 at 02:12 PM

    I found this message board by typing in “I AM NOT STEPHEN COLBERT” on google, LMAO

  69. Mark Radcliffe Mark Radcliffe :
    Written August 31st, 2006 at 10:59 PM

    yeah, I thought Id google it too. yeah…boring thursday nights. =)

  70. I AM STEPHEN COLBERT I AM STEPHEN COLBERT :
    Written September 4th, 2006 at 10:46 AM

    ...or am I?

  71. Stephen Colbert Stephen Colbert :
    Written September 4th, 2006 at 02:49 PM

    Hello Bear …wazzzzzzzup

  72. SDf SDf :
    Written September 4th, 2006 at 08:42 PM

    I saw you at lockin!

  73. Bob Aman Bob Aman :
    Written September 4th, 2006 at 08:47 PM

    SDf:

    Hah, eavesdropping huh? :-D

  74. Not Stephen Colbert Not Stephen Colbert :
    Written September 5th, 2006 at 02:32 PM

    I am not Stephen Colbert.

  75. good idea good idea :
    Written September 6th, 2006 at 03:02 AM

    You got me.

  76. Richard Richard :
    Written September 7th, 2006 at 03:51 PM

    Someone has tagged it on StumbleUpon. That’ll probably give you a bunch of hits.

  77. Bob Aman Bob Aman :
    Written September 7th, 2006 at 05:24 PM

    Richard:

    I noticed that, but conveniently, my stats package (Mint) differentiates searches via Google from the random StumbleUpon traffic, so it’s not mucking with things.

  78. americas_talking@yahoo.com americas_talking@yahoo.com :
    Written September 19th, 2006 at 01:47 PM

    Ditto here from the “fly over states” I mean heartland where red state politicals use signs like stop illegal immigration and stop gay marriage are rule of law so it seems on every freaking street this time of year.

    But those Dems & Repubs will come together for a good olo’ Razorback game… ooo pig soie… never thought I would type that…I so home ole Corbet it messing with us or at least one of his wacky interns…later people.

  79. Atulane Atulane :
    Written December 11th, 2006 at 03:35 AM

    Me see this on youtube and coulde resiste not

  80. I AM NOT STEPHEN COLBERT I AM NOT STEPHEN COLBERT :
    Written December 13th, 2006 at 04:57 PM

    I am not Stephen Colbert, so I just want to say wow this is nice.

  81. Moare Moare :
    Written January 6th, 2007 at 02:10 AM

    Colbert Nation FTW <3>

    I think this is the…. 5th time I’ve searched it? ^” Hey it’s what happens when I get bored. ^“

    AND FOR SHAME THOSE OF YOU WHO USE Vs!!!! FOR SHAME!!!!!!!!

    WAG OF MY FINGER

    -Moare

  82. Sean Sean :
    Written January 27th, 2007 at 01:21 PM

    I think that if one watches the clip on Youtube, there’s a higher probability that the search will be performed (as one is already at the computer).

  83. Stephen Colbert Stephen Colbert :
    Written April 12th, 2007 at 06:01 PM

    I Am Stephen Colbert, really this is me, or is it ???

  84. Elisabeth Elisabeth :
    Written October 17th, 2007 at 01:43 AM

    Is it sad that I found your site and this page by googling “I’m voting for Stephen Colbert” ? Number 1.

  85. Fan Fan :
    Written June 26th, 2008 at 11:20 PM

    If you are Stephen Colbert who hit you in the face? Could it be Jon Stewart?

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